We live every day with people with whom we are not 100% compatible. Sometimes, we are not even 10% compatible. But it's time to endure, because they are coworkers, roommates, friends of friends, family … we swallow their hobbies little by little and it's not always easy to tolerate them. Knowing it, the writer Fernando Trías and the psychologist Tomás Navarro have joined forces in the book I am like that (and I don't care anymore) so you can cope with those hobbies you can't stand (or those that accuse you).
1. Very tidy people vs. Compulsive disorder
Order is one of the main friction points in living together. There are some who do not mind living surrounded by disorder, things outside their drawers, bags and boxes on the floor. "It's messy, not dirty," is one of its great arguments. Others, on the other hand, get even nervous if they feel that the pant drawer is messy. Many times we do not choose who we live with. Can you choose your coworkers? Never. Therefore, the authors give some advice.
There are several types of mess: there is the one who does not want conscientiously. If you tell him to be more orderly, if you tell him to please pick up a little and he refuses (for example, because he does not consider it important and is not empathic), it is best to get away from that person. If you can't, break diplomatic relations and make guts heart. He thinks that perhaps he has more virtues that compensate for his disorder. But if it's messy because it doesn't know … bingo! Golden opportunity to teach you. The disorder is something environmental and many people are because they live surrounded by disorderly people. Therefore, going to pay attention to your order can change your habits.
But if you are messy and you live with an extreme computer, what? Surely you will feel frustrated because it asks you for things that you don't care about and that make you lazy. Here is a matter of empathy and picaresque. That your roommate tells you that he doesn't want the morning coffee cup to be unclean all day until you return home, but you go every morning with just the right time? Well, you take the cup to the office and you drink coffee there. In the end, it's a matter of giving a little. It costs nothing to change these little habits that bother the orderly and that only means a slight readjustment of your day to day.
2. Those who are afraid of loneliness
"Those who are afraid of loneliness are often afraid of silence," they explain in the book. That is why there are so many people who are constantly sending messages to their loved ones, memes, links, pussies, daily anecdotes. Whether you're the take off and that bothers you as if you're the one who sends messages that are systematically ignored, you have to find a midpoint: how is it done? Putting yourself in the place of the other.
Instagram @ simran.rautela
It is not so difficult to be aware that someone is going through a bad time and needs attention. No one should force you to be looking at the mobile. But if someone needs you and your attention, mentally look at the cell phone more times during the day. If it is normal to do it every three hours, reduce it by half, even if only to answer your messages. It's not a matter of becoming an addict, it's just a matter of adapting a little to your needs. And on the part of the message sender, what I would do is think that you will not send more than 10 without reply. Thus, you will dose the messages further: "Is it really worth sending this?" If you mentally restrict what you send, you will not send nonsense and facilitate communication so that the other responds without overwhelming you.
3. Perfect people
Many times we find those people who are exhaustingly happy and who love to talk about how well everything is going to be unbearable. But we have to think why these behaviors are bothering us so much. As the authors state, it's not always the other's fault that we can't stand it: Let's see, there are egotistical people who get heavy talking about themselves, yes, but many times their "heaviness" is not such but it is lack of self-esteem of the people around them. If we learn to love each other a little (as if it were easy! But it is a matter of trying, right?), It will not bother us or hurt so much that someone presumes of those qualities that we believe we do not have and that we feel are rubbing us by face.
4. “My friends are always offended with my sincerity”
Does it bother you that everyone has thin skin and is offended to a minimum? Maybe the fault is not yours. We have already spoken in the New Code about sincericide. Do your friends get offended when you say "this new shirt is crap"? Well, lie. Nobody wants the raw truth because, spoiler alert, it's just your truth. He likes that shirt, and if he bought it you should respect it. The only thing you achieve with that is that you doubt your taste. The lie is often compassionate, and the truth is only worth it when it adds up, and not when it remains. Your opinion is important, yes. But, again, empathy is more. And if saying a lie on a matter of importance makes everyone feel better, do it. The truth is overrated.
5. Superstitious against sterile spiritual
"You know I don't believe in the horoscope," "normal, that's super capricorn." This phrase is real, said a couple in the Barcelona metro aloud. The boy, the unbeliever, rolled his eyes. It seemed a point of friction between them. The horoscope, such as religion, superstition or idols of luck, is important for many people. Yes, their effectiveness has no scientific evidence, and no, they probably do nothing, but yes, many care and help them fight their insecurities and get their bearings for life.
Why do you, be superior and skeptical, have to ruin it? Many times from spiritual sterility these beliefs are observed with arrogance and disdain. "I am analytical and intelligent and I have the ability to understand what is pseudoscience" is a recurring thought, underestimating others. Probably, the superstitions of others annoy you and their constant disapproval of their beliefs. It is a matter of respect. Just as you would not go to a church to shout "God does not exist", let it be that if someone wants to believe in pseudosciences, believe. In the end, everyone finds comfort where they find it, and surely you also have your non-spiritual rituals that more than one will think are nonsense. Don't mess with others if you don't want them to do it with you.